Obama selling cars
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Jolt ThomasonAugust 11, 2009 | 2,416 views | 2 comments
I'd really really, really, really like to see Obama use his current sales techniques as a car salesman (instead of a "care" salesman).
Here is what it would look like;
customer: I want a better car than the one I have now.
Obama: Of course, you do. No one is satisfied with their current car. You need this yellow school bus right over here.
customer: That isn't what I want.
Obama: Oh yes, it is.
customer: Why would I want that?
Obama: Well, it is what the experts from AARP, NADA, and Motor Trend say you SHOULD be driving.
customer: Won't it be more expensive than what I have now - I'm already over my budget this year?
Obama: Yes, a lot more - but you do not have to pay the difference.
customer: Who does?
Obama: Your grandchildren.
customer: How much will my grandchildren have to pay?
Obama: Who put you up to asking that question?
customer: Nobody, but I have questions about efficiency and safety and I would at least like to test drive it.
Obama: The worst thing you can do is keep your status quo car - if you do not act now, you will be stuck with that until you go bankrupt.
customer: You aren't answering my questions
Obama: Let me be clear, this bus is not a Trojan horse, and it will not kill anyone, and you will not go over your budget buying it - I won't let that happen.
customer: Can't I just fix up my old car?
Obama: Your old car cannot be fixed without buying this bus.
customer: Are you nuts?
Obama: We can't keep listening to the naysayers and the mechanic's union who must have put you up to this. Their attitude is fishy and un-American. These mechanics only want what is bad for you - so you shouldn't ask any questions.
customer: Hey - Didn't you used to advocate asking questions of salesmen?
Obama: Yes, but that was when I didn't have this job - I was a car organizer then, now that I am car salesman-in-chief, you should just listen to me and the people who work for me and the experts - now let's talk some more about how much you need this bus.
customer: I do not want that bus. I've never needed a bus ever. There must be other options. The bus is worse than what I have now.
Obama: If you could just understand how much you have been manipulated by the anti-bus people, then you would understand that you WANT and NEED that bus and only that bus. Buying this bus is what's best for everyone. Don't you care about everyone else? Besides I haven't heard the naysayers offer you anything else and if they did, you shouldn't listen to them anyway because it will just lead to the status quo.
customer: Can I at least see the warranty or owner's manual or price tag?
customer: Why can't I see any documents? You advertised that if you became car salesman-in-chief, we could always see the documents before buying anything!
Obama: We must stop those ways of the past - But, if you must know, you can't see the documents because they haven't been written yet. They are still in multiple versions of drafts - none of which have been finished.
customer: If none of them have been finished, how can you make any guarantees.
Obama: Let me be perfectly clear; you must not listen to those who are against this. Just listen to me and those who work for me and the experts I quote. Together, we can stop the ways of the past.
customer: Do any experts advise against buying this bus?
Obama: Only the ones with a vested interest in you not buying this bus.
customer: I just found one of those partial drafts you mentioned and it says right here that if I buy your bus, then I also have to hurt some tiny children with it. I don't believe in that.
Obama: Don't worry about that at all. We will take those funds from you and put them in another account and then pay the "children hurters" out of that account. So, the payment will not be coming directly from you. Besides, who is to say when a tiny child becomes a child?
customer: It also says things in this draft that make me think the final cost is going to be a whole lot more than my grandchildren could ever possibly pay for. You may even ask my Grandmother to make sacrifices to pay the upkeep.
Obama: That is outrageous misinformation you are reading and I am angry that all of this misinformation keeps getting spread around. You should report whoever gave you that draft to the authorities and JUST TRUST ME AND BUY THE DAMN BUS.
customer: What if I buy the bus, will I have to use a different mechanic?
Obama: If you like the mechanic you have, you can keep the mechanic you have.
customer: I just sent my mechanic a text message and my mechanic says he could never make a living working on buses like that.
Obama: If you buy the bus, your current mechanic will be forced to work on your bus because your mechanic makes too much money as it is now.
customer: Why should I trust you?
Obama: You should trust everyone who wears a blue tie. Besides you said you wanted a change and I am offering you change.
customer: THIS IS NOT THE CHANGE I WANTED. I DO NOT WANT THAT BUS.
Obama: Too bad - we are selling you that big, yellow, ugly ass bus anyway.
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