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VideoLost: Pitbull mix, brindle male, answers to Jake, since April 7 on I-37 between 536 and Hardy Rd. No questions, help Jake come home to his family, 361-765-7373.
Lost: Border Collie, black and white male, one eye, microchipped, C.R. 319/F.M. 775 area. 210-382-2167.

VideoREWARD!! Trooper a gray & white male cat is missing from County Road 429 Stockdale. He might have been accidently transported off. Missing since 11/13/2015. Call 512-629-2005.
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Help Wanted

The 81st Judicial District Attorney’s office is seeking candidates for the position of an Administrative Assistant. Duties will include but not limited to: answering incoming calls and greeting visitors, prepare discovery for defense bar as required, providing administrative and clerical support to the ADAs and District Attorney, assist in general office work and perform related duties as follows: Operate a multi-line telephone switchboard, proficient use of software applications and computer equipment, scanning and compiling files for eDiscovery, filing and creating court files, generating reports as required. Applicants must have at least five (5) years of administrative assistant experience, strong computer skills (Word, Excel, PowerPoint) ability to multi-task, excellent organizational skills and attention to detail. Some heavy lifting (about 40 pounds) required. Please mail, fax or email resumes and cover letters to the address and email below. DEADLINE FOR RESUME SUBMISSION IS MAY 6, 2016 AT 5 P.M. District Attorney Rene Pena, C/O Teri Reyes, Office Manager, 1327 THIRD STREET, FLORESVILLE, TEXAS 78114. Fax 830-393-2205. terireyes@81stda.org.
Warning: While most advertisers are reputable, some are not. Unfortunately the Wilson County News cannot guarantee the products or services of those who buy advertising space in our pages. We urge our readers to use great care, and when in doubt, contact the San Antonio Better Business Bureau, 210-828-9441, BEFORE spending money. If you feel you have been the victim of fraud, contact the Consumer Protection Office of the Attorney General in Austin, 512-463-2070.
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Movie Reviews


The Three Musketeers


The Three Musketeers


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Neil Pond
November 9, 2011
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Starring Milla Jovovich, Logan Lerman, Matthew Macfadyen & Ray Stevenson. Directed by Paul W.S. Anderson

PG-13, 110 min.



What do Mickey Mouse, Charlie Sheen, Gene Kelly, and Barbie have in common?

They’ve all been featured in movies based on “The Three Muskeeteers,” Alexandre Dumas’ enduring 1844 yarn of “one for all, all for one” French swordsmen on an international mission requiring both heroism and heart. A rousing tale that resonates throughout the ages, it’s been adapted into more than 30 different film versions over the past 100 years.

And, well, here’s the latest one.

This new cinematic riff keeps the novel’s 17th century setting and premise but juices up the requisite swordplay with a ridiculous sideline about flying warship dirigibles, which eventually end up as a warships-kabob impaled on a cathedral spire.

“I hate air travel!” notes one character, puking into the clouds.

That line is but one example of the movie’s feeble stabs at what passes for humor in the clunky, overly contrived script delivered by mostly unfamiliar, mostly European actors with British accents scampering around in fluffy “period” costumes on enormous, palatial sets and reacting to all sorts of computer-generated mayhem.

Moviegoers will spot a couple of familiar faces. Oscar winner Cristoph Waltz is the duplicitous Cardinal Richelieu, and former model Milla Jovovich plays Milady de Winter, a double-crossing superspy with a few tricks up her flounced petticoat.

Jovovich looks voluptuous in a torso-squeezing bustier, and director Paul W.S. Anderson (also her husband, how about that!) creates more than one opportunity for her to jiggle in slow-mo, cartoonishly acrobatic espionage sequences. Seeing the way Milady outfoxes and outmaneuvers all sorts of booby-traps, you can only surmise her character must have access to a Renaissance invention that somehow plays “Matrix,” “Mission: Impossible” and “Kill Bill” DVDs.

The rest of the actors seem to have been cast for their resemblance to other, better-known stars who all had the good sense to steer clear. One bears a passing resemblance to Robert Downey Jr. Another favors Dewayne “The Rock” Johnson, if Rock was a bit smaller and sported a bejeweled eye patch.

And over there--that guy could pass for Orlando Bloom in a poofy pompadour wig as the power-hungry Duke of Buckingham. Wait a minute... that IS Orlando Bloom in a poofy pompadour wig as the power-hungry Duke of Buckingham! How’d he end up here? Maybe he was jonesing for some “Pirates of the Caribbean” action after deciding to exit that successful franchise before the fourth movie set sail.

Bloom, and the rest of the actors, however, should have remained dry-docked instead of shipping out on this big, bloated Three Muske-mess, which, unfortunately, is primed for a sequel next year.

All for one, one for all---but no second helping for me, thanks.
 

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