Saturday, February 6, 2016
1012 C Street  •  Floresville, TX 78114  •  Phone: 830-216-4519  •  Fax: 830-393-3219  • 

WCN Site Search


Preview the Paper Preview the Paper

Preview this week's Paper
A limited number of pages are displayed in this preview.
Preview this Week’s Issue ›
Subscribe Today ›

Lost & Found

Lost: Female German Shepherd, 2 years old, pink collar. Lost from Hickory Hill/Great Oaks area off FM539, La Vernia on Thurs. Feb. 4 Reward! (830) 947-3465

VideoMissing: Male Boxer, since evening of Jan. 4, Hwy. 97 West, rear of Promised Land Creamery, $500 REWARD. Call 830-391-2240 with information.
Found: Basset Hound, Hwy. 97 W./Hospital Blvd., Floresville. Call 830-391-2153 between 9 a.m.-11:30 p.m.
More Lost & Found ads ›

Help Wanted

The Cutting Edge Salon and Spa in Nixon is looking for experienced hair stylist and manicurist. Call 830-582-2233.
Caregivers needed. Call 830-431-2389.
More Help Wanted ads ›

Featured Videos





Video Vault ›
Richardson Chevrolet homeTNMCRE/MAX home

Movie Reviews


The Three Musketeers


The Three Musketeers


E-Mail this Story to a Friend
Print this Story
Neil Pond
November 9, 2011
1,854 views
Post a comment

Starring Milla Jovovich, Logan Lerman, Matthew Macfadyen & Ray Stevenson. Directed by Paul W.S. Anderson

PG-13, 110 min.



What do Mickey Mouse, Charlie Sheen, Gene Kelly, and Barbie have in common?

They’ve all been featured in movies based on “The Three Muskeeteers,” Alexandre Dumas’ enduring 1844 yarn of “one for all, all for one” French swordsmen on an international mission requiring both heroism and heart. A rousing tale that resonates throughout the ages, it’s been adapted into more than 30 different film versions over the past 100 years.

And, well, here’s the latest one.

This new cinematic riff keeps the novel’s 17th century setting and premise but juices up the requisite swordplay with a ridiculous sideline about flying warship dirigibles, which eventually end up as a warships-kabob impaled on a cathedral spire.

“I hate air travel!” notes one character, puking into the clouds.

That line is but one example of the movie’s feeble stabs at what passes for humor in the clunky, overly contrived script delivered by mostly unfamiliar, mostly European actors with British accents scampering around in fluffy “period” costumes on enormous, palatial sets and reacting to all sorts of computer-generated mayhem.

Moviegoers will spot a couple of familiar faces. Oscar winner Cristoph Waltz is the duplicitous Cardinal Richelieu, and former model Milla Jovovich plays Milady de Winter, a double-crossing superspy with a few tricks up her flounced petticoat.

Jovovich looks voluptuous in a torso-squeezing bustier, and director Paul W.S. Anderson (also her husband, how about that!) creates more than one opportunity for her to jiggle in slow-mo, cartoonishly acrobatic espionage sequences. Seeing the way Milady outfoxes and outmaneuvers all sorts of booby-traps, you can only surmise her character must have access to a Renaissance invention that somehow plays “Matrix,” “Mission: Impossible” and “Kill Bill” DVDs.

The rest of the actors seem to have been cast for their resemblance to other, better-known stars who all had the good sense to steer clear. One bears a passing resemblance to Robert Downey Jr. Another favors Dewayne “The Rock” Johnson, if Rock was a bit smaller and sported a bejeweled eye patch.

And over there--that guy could pass for Orlando Bloom in a poofy pompadour wig as the power-hungry Duke of Buckingham. Wait a minute... that IS Orlando Bloom in a poofy pompadour wig as the power-hungry Duke of Buckingham! How’d he end up here? Maybe he was jonesing for some “Pirates of the Caribbean” action after deciding to exit that successful franchise before the fourth movie set sail.

Bloom, and the rest of the actors, however, should have remained dry-docked instead of shipping out on this big, bloated Three Muske-mess, which, unfortunately, is primed for a sequel next year.

All for one, one for all---but no second helping for me, thanks.
 

Your Opinions and Comments


Be the first to comment on this story!


You must be logged in to post a comment.




Not a subscriber?
Subscriber, but no password?
Forgot password?

Movie Reviews Archives


WCN Citizens Forum 5/28/15
WCN web hosting
Caraway Ford
Drama Kids
Pat Brown Realtors, Inc. home
Sherwood Surveying
Custom Construction LLC
John D. Foster home
Cowboy Masonry & Custom Pools
RS Gate & Supply
Hoelschers home
Abrego Lake
Heavenly Touch homeTriple R DC ExpertsVoncille Bielefeld homeEast Central Driving SchoolAllstate & McBride Realty

  Copyright © 2007-2016 Wilson County News. All rights reserved. Web development by Drewa Designs.