Thursday, October 23, 2014
1012 C Street  •  Floresville, TX 78114  •  Phone: 830-216-4519  •  Fax: 830-393-3219  • 

Lost & Found

Found: Calico cat, female, white, orange, and black, on CR 352, La Vernia. 210-667-1052.
Lost: Small black female dog, no collar, her name is Shortcake, has long hair, Sutherland Springs area. Call 830-391-5099.

Video Lost: Cat, black and white, last seen the evening of Sept. 29 in the Woodcreek Subdivision area, La Vernia. Reward for his safe return. Call Richard, 830-779-2080 or 210-776-4930.
More Lost & Found ads ›

Help Wanted

*Fair Housing notice. All help wanted advertising in this newspaper is subject to the Fair Housing Act which makes it illegal to advertise "any preference limitation or discrimination based on race, color, religion, sex, handicap, familial status, or national origin, or an intention, to make any such preference limitation or discrimination." This newspaper will not knowingly accept any advertising for help wanted ads, which is in violation of the law. Our readers are hereby informed that all dwellings advertised in this newspaper are available on an equal opportunity basis.
The Floresville Independent School District is accepting applications for District Wide Custodian Positions, 2:00 p.m. to 10:30 p.m. shift. Applications may be obtained online at www.fisd.us or contact Sylvia Campa at 830-393-5300 ext. 14002 for appointments. FISD Personnel Office is located at 1200 5th St., Floresville, Texas. 830-393-5300 (Office hours: 8:00-4:00). Applications will be accepted until all positions are filled. An Equal Opportunity Employer.
More Help Wanted ads ›

Featured Videos





Video Vault ›

On The Road To Forever


Judas Asparagus




E-Mail this Story to a Friend
Print this Story

Disclaimer:
Thomas Bonham is responsible for this content, which is not edited by the Wilson County News or wilsoncountynews.com.

On the Road to Forever
December 14, 2011 | 2765 views | Post a comment

Sometimes we have to wonder if we take for granted that children understand what we are teaching. A 7-year-old was asked to write a book report on the entire Bible.

“In the beginning, near the start, there was nothing but God, darkness, and some gas. The Bible says, ‘The Lord thy God is one,’ but I think he must be older than that. Anyway, God said, ‘Give me a light!’ then God made the world. He split the Adam and made Eve.

“They were naked, but they weren’t embarrassed because mirrors hadn’t been invented yet. They disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were driven from the Garden of Eden. I don’t know how. They didn’t have a car. Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long as he was Abel.

“Pretty soon all the early people died off, except for Methuselah who lived to be a million I think. One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good guy, but one of his kids was a Ham. Noah built a large boat and put his family and some animals on it. He invited some other folks to join him, but they said they would take a rain check.

“After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Jacob was more famous than his brother Esau, because Esau sold Jacob his birthmark in exchange for some pot roast. Jacob had a son named Joseph who wore a very loud sports coat.

“Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name is Charlton Heston. Moses led the Israel Lights out of Egypt and away from the evil Pharaoh after God sent ten plagues to Pharaoh’s people. These plagues included frogs, mice, lice, bowels, and no cable. God fed the Israel Lights every day with manicotti. Then he gave them his Top Ten Commandments.

“These include: don’t lie, cheat, smoke, dance, covet your neighbor’s stuff, and humor thy father and mother.

“After Joshua came David, who got to be king by killing a giant with a slingshot. He had a son named Solomon who had about 300 wives and 500 porcupines. My teacher says he was wise, but that doesn’t sound very wise to me.

“After Solomon, there were a bunch of major league prophets. One was Jonah, who was swallowed by a whale and got barfed up on the shore. There were also some minor league prophets, but I guess we don’t have to worry about them.

“After the Old Testament came the New Testament. Jesus is the star of the New. He was born in Bethlehem in a barn. (I wish I had been born in a barn so when my mom says, ‘Close the door. Were you born in a barn?’ I could say, ‘Yes!’) During his life, Jesus had many arguments with the Pharisees and the Democrats.

“Jesus had twelve opossums. The worst of them was Judas Asparagus. Judas was so evil they named a terrible vegetable after him. Jesus was a great man. He healed many leopards and even preached to some Germans on the Mount. But the Democrats and all those guys put Jesus on trial before Pontius the pilot. Pilot didn’t stick up for Jesus. He just washed his hands instead.

“Anyways, Jesus died for our sins, and then came back to life again. He went up to heaven but will be back at the end of the Aluminum. His return is foretold in the book of Revolution.”

(1 Corinthians 13:11-13 & 2 Peter 3) I’m glad that as we mature mentally, and in the faith, we can come to a fuller understanding of the will of God for our life and our salvation. I pray I will never be too old to want to discover a deeper understanding of God’s Word. One can only do this through study of God’s Word on a level of thirsting for it.

The Day of the Lord will be no laughing matter if you’re ignorant of His love.

Thomas W. Bonham is an associate minister with the Floresville Church of Christ. His e-mail is twbonham@hotmail.net. Find his column on his blog at http://wilsoncountynews.com.
 
« Previous Blog Entry (December 7, 2011)
 


Your Opinions and Comments
Be the first to comment on this story!

You must be logged in to post comments:



Other On The Road To Forever


Thomas Bonham bio sidebar

Drama KidsSacred Heart SchoolChester WilsonWilson's Auto ChooserBlue Moon Karaoke & DJHeavenly Touch homeTriple R DC ExpertsAllstate & McBride RealtyVoncille Bielefeld home
  Copyright © 2007-2014 Wilson County News. All rights reserved. Web development by Drewa Designs.