You’ve been granted free access to this subscribers only article.
Helping the correct way
Financial Straight-TalkJanuary 9, 2013 | 1,037 views | Post a comment
I’m trying to help my son and daughter-in-law by encouraging them to get out of debt and live on a budget. It hasn’t been a problem to give them money when they’ve asked in the past, but I’m afraid they’re still in a mess. How can I make sure I’m doing the right thing?
The first thing you need to do is sit down and have a serious, loving talk with them. If they’ve asked for money before, and it has become something of a trend, you have a right to know more about their circumstances. In addition, they need to understand that opening up and being honest about their situation and behavior is a requirement for them to receive more of your help.
I know you guys love each other, but be prepared for them to get defensive. Lots of times people are embarrassed to talk about their mistakes, no matter how nicely you approach things. They may decide not to answer any questions and that it’s none of your business. That’s fine, too. Just make sure they understand Mom won’t open her checkbook unless they open up about their finances.
This isn’t about you being nosy or controlling. It’s about making sure you’re not giving a drunk a drink and further enabling any misbehavior. Then, if they’re willing to talk, and as a result, you feel they truly need help, make sure any money you give them is a gift, not a loan.
I know it hurts to see them go through rough times, Margaret. But if they’re acting irresponsibly with money, they need to suffer the consequences of their actions. That, along with your love and advice, can help them turn the corner and win with money!
I have one bill left from an emergency room visit earlier this year, and I’m trying to settle with a collections agency. They’re willing to accept half of the $930 owed, but they want me to pay online or by phone, and I don’t feel safe doing that. What should I do?
If they’re willing to lower the bill by half, then you need to get that in writing. If you don’t have it in writing, you don’t have a deal. And whatever you do, don’t give them any form of electronic access to your money. I’ve seen too many collectors lie to people about “agreements,” then go in and raid their accounts.
Just tell them to send you, by email or regular letter, a statement saying that $465 will be accepted as payment in full for the debt. Also, tell them you’ll turn around the day you receive this letter and send them a cashier’s check for that amount. Until then, they can go jump in the lake!
Dave Ramsey is a best-selling author of The Total Money Makeover and the nationally syndicated host of “The Dave Ramsey Show,” which airs locally on radio station 550 KTSA. View column archives at www.daveramsey.org. Questioners’ identities have not been verified by the Dave $ays column or this newspaper.
Your Opinions and Comments
Be the first to comment on this story!
You must be logged in to post a comment.
Section A: General News Archives
City says no more streetlights (October 7, 2015)
CMMC offers low cost mammograms (October 7, 2015)
County judge invites taxpayers to Town Hall (October 7, 2015)
Court Update (October 7, 2015)
Crosscurrents characterize city session (October 7, 2015)
Deputies charge game-room owners (October 7, 2015)
Does the right to collect still exist? (October 7, 2015)
Early detection vital to treating breast cancer (October 7, 2015)
Editorial: Challenges of democracy (October 7, 2015)
Editorial: Do not kill police officers, black people, white people, or any people (October 7, 2015)
Editorial: Good riddance, John Boehner! (October 7, 2015)
Editorial: President Obama once again too quick to ‘jump the gun’ (October 7, 2015)
Feather Fest 5K walk/run winners (October 7, 2015)
FELPS estimates near $1M savings after refinancing ’02, ’05 bonds (October 7, 2015)
Going hog wild with cook-off, ranch rodeo (October 7, 2015)
Health options workshop is Oct.13 (October 7, 2015)
La Vernia EMS president: Let’s train together (October 7, 2015)
Laubach Cemetery group plans meeting (October 7, 2015)
Letter: Seeking De La Peña family photos (October 7, 2015)
Luther Thomas Elementary earns Blue Ribbon status (October 7, 2015)
Meeting Watch: China Grove City Council (October 7, 2015)
Meeting Watch: Falls City ISD (October 7, 2015)
Meeting Watch: Floresville 4A Corp. (October 7, 2015)
Paxton: Attorney misled immigrants (October 7, 2015)
Pilot digital photography workshops coming to parks (October 7, 2015)
Police Blotter (October 7, 2015)
Texas A&M-San Antonio opens to freshmen Oct. 1 (October 7, 2015)
Texas secures highest credit ratings (October 7, 2015)
Water rules affect all Texans (October 7, 2015)
West Nile survivor shares story of recovery (October 7, 2015)