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REWARD!! 2 catahoula female hog dogs with neon collars lost around cr 132 & hwy 97 west & cr 221 on San Antonio River call 210-779-6614 or 210-815-2709
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On The Road To Forever

The Duck Test

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Thomas Bonham is responsible for this content, which is not edited by the Wilson County News or

On the Road to Forever
January 23, 2013 | 1,710 views | Post a comment

Why are firetrucks red? Firetrucks have four wheels and eight firefighters, and 4 plus 8 equals 12. There are 12 inches in a foot. A foot is a ruler. Queen Elizabeth is a ruler and the Queen Elizabeth is one of the largest ships on the seven seas. Seas have fish. Fish have fins. The Fins fought the Russians. The Russians are red. Firetrucks are always rushin’. Therefore, fire trucks are usually red. Then there is the obvious. If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, and quacks like a duck, then it’s probably a duck, so call it a duck.

As much as I don’t like it, it seems the Lance Armstrong investigation evidence is painting a real picture of “doping” in a panoramic view of brilliant colors I never saw coming. There seems to be evidence of cheating from cycling participants, coaches, judges, and even the officials of the governing body of the events association. Very sad days for the sports world, having Armstrong and others confess to their misgivings. I’m still not fully convinced of his selfish actions and at the moment I’m holding true to the feeling that Armstrong is folding under pressure that he can’t make go away without turning off the spotlight himself. My logical thinking started out reasoning that Armstrong had been painted red by some crazy conspiracy group, but when the “Duck Test” is applied, the heroic athlete is beginning to look like a dope.

After pulling a farmer over for speeding, the state trooper started to lecture him about his speed, pompously implying he didn’t know any better and trying to make him feel as uncomfortable as possible. He finally started writing out the ticket, but had to keep swatting at some flies buzzing around his head. The farmer said, “Having some problems with those circle flies, are ya?” The trooper paused to take another swat and said, “Well, yes, if that’s what they are. I’ve never heard of circle flies.” The farmer was pleased to enlighten the officer, “Circle flies are common on farms. They call ’em circle flies because you almost always find them circlin’ the back end of a horse.” The trooper stopped writing and said, “Hey! Are you trying to call me a horse’s behind?” “Oh, no, officer,” said the farmer, “I have too much respect for the law to do that.” “That’s a good thing,” the officer said rudely, then continued to write the ticket. After a long pause, the farmer quietly mentioned, “It’s hard to fool them flies, though.”

[Romans 16: 17-19] “All scripture is God breathed ...” (1 Timothy 3:16); “... men spoke from God as they were carried along by the Holy Spirit” (2 Peter 1: 19-21); therefore, the writers and the writings of the Bible are exactly as God wants them presented to you and me. When the “21st century church” is held up to the 1st century church described in the New Testament, one notices some personalized differences. Nowhere in the scriptures is there a provision for adjusting the structure of the church to “fit” the social ideals of the times. In fact, mankind is warned several times in God’s Word, do not add to or take away from that which God has proclaimed. I am fully convinced that I cannot bend, twist, or break any of the decrees of God without suffering consequences for doing so.

Ananias and Sapphira (Acts 5:1-11) lied to the Holy Spirit about the money they were giving. Was it wrong for them to keep a portion of the money from the land sale? No. But when they said it was the full amount, then they committed a selfish sin. God’s Word is not whimsical or difficult to understand. God’s Word can be used to apply the Duck Test to all aspects of life and living. Follow God, not the hearts of men.

Thomas W. Bonham is an associate minister with the Floresville Church of Christ. Email him at Find his column on his blog at
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