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Musings from Behind the Couch

H.R.'s Musing: Part I of Bubba's Story

H.R.'s Musing: Part I of Bubba's Story
"The Spider"

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H.R. Grimm is responsible for this content, which is not edited by the Wilson County News or

August 10, 2015
1 comment

(*And in the NEWS: Local Authorities are cautioning residents concerning the recent infestation of LARGE spiders. Due to the recent wet weather the usually shy & allusive bugs are finding anywhere they can to dry out. One resident was in a bizarre accident. Here is our exclusive report.

Bubba Brewski is currently recovering at County Hospital and we were able to speak with him. "I's out on my deck th'other evenin'. Me & the Mrs had watched that Si-Fi show about aliens. Well, I tho't I'd have me a couple beers and just enjoy the coolness of the evening. 'Course, my glaucoma had been botherin' me all day, so's I just sat back, had me a 6 pack and some Colorado Imports.

That dumb Si-Fi alien show, that beer and taking on my glaucoma medication, twisted my brain somethin' fierce! All I can figure is my noddin' off must have caught the attention of them spiders and our cat, Pugsly. Them spiders musta thought I'd be a good snack and started descendin' onto my head & Pugsly musta saw them. I do remember I was dreaming that some aliens were conquering the World and we was being eaten alive. 'Bout that time Pugsly pounced and I was in full combat mode.

I jumped outta my chair screaming & clawing imaginary spiders as big as our cat. When I grabbed Pugsly he hung onto me by biting and sinking his claws into my arms. I thought I was being eaten alive and twirled around trying to shake him off. Flung myself off the deck right into my wife's rose bushes. She come runnin' out, tripped off my rockin' chair and fell down on me. I was still hollerin' about Aliens and her landin' on me didn't help. I was still in my nightmare and all I could see was thorny thin arms ripping my hide. I thought she was now an alien trying to shred me up. I was thrashin' about swingin' at her and her prized rose bush. She grabbed the garden rake she'd left to weed the rose bushes and trying to protect herself or the roses, I ain't right sure.

She started beating me with it and it looked like she had the biggest look of satisfaction I'd ever seen on her face. 'Course, I was screamin' 'bout aliens and screamin' she weren't takin' me alive! Guess it musta been quite a sight as we got a Neighborhood Watch Program here and they all came out to watch. 'Guess one of the neighbors called the Sheriff.

Lucky for me he was just right down the road there off 539. He got there and thinking I was hateful, tazered me. I didn't snap out 'til I woke up here hungrier than a Grisly Bear comin' outta hibernation. I ain't seen my wife yet but they tell me the rose bush is ruined, the cat can't be found and the rake us bent somethin' awful. The spiders are probably still waitin' for me to return!" (hrg)

(Part II of Bubba' story next week.)
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Your Opinions and Comments

Elaine K.  
August 10, 2015 9:11pm
Garden spiders are our friends!

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