Just apply your knowledge
With another birthday under my belt, and yes, some of it has spilled over my belt, it’s called dun-lap disease -- that’s when some of your midsection “done lapped” over your belt. Anyway, I took to heart “you’re never too old to learn” and discovered a few things.
I think I’m beginning to understand some of this new math. When it’s applied properly it almost makes sense. For instance: The ratio of an igloo’s circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi * 2,000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won ton * 1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope * Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond * 16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone = 1 Rod Serling * One half a large intestine = 1 semicolon * 1,000,000 aches = 1 megahurtz * Basic unit of laryngitis = 1 hoarsepower * The shortness between two jokes = a straight line * 2000 mockingbirds = two kilomockingbirds * 1 kilogram of falling figs = 1 Fig Newton * 1000 cc’s of wet socks = 1 literhosen * 8 nickels = 2 paradigms. See, it’s not so hard to understand once one starts to apply oneself to the concept of ludicrous thinking.
I’m also going to try my hardest to stop worrying about things I can do nothing about. All studies in this area prove one will sleep better, have fewer arguments in life, be less apt to suffer heart problems, and a myriad of other health issues. There are a few things I could take to heart to live a happier and longer life.
To be healthy and safe in this world I should: 1. Avoid riding in automobiles, because they are responsible for 20 percent of all fatal accidents. (That’s going to be hard to do.) 2. Don’t stay home because 17 percent of all accidents occur in the house. 3. Avoid walking on streets or sidewalks because 14 percent of all accidents involve pedestrians. 4. Avoid traveling by air, rail, or water because 16 percent of all accidents involve these forms of transportation. 5. Of the remaining 33 percent, 32 percent of all deaths occur in hospitals. So, above all else, avoid hospitals! But ... I was pleased to learn that only .001 percent of all deaths occur in church buildings during worship services, and these are usually related to existing physical disorders. Therefore, logic tells me that the safest place for me to be at any given point in time is at church. And, the percentage of deaths during Bible study is even less. So, for safety sake and longevity of life, read the Bible daily and attend church regularly.
[Matthew 16:13-20] In this world of black is white and white is black, and everything else is gray, it’s hard to get a yes or no answer from anyone. Jesus asked his disciples, “Who do you say that I am?” The question came up in a conversation about what the word on the street was concerning Jesus. The scuttlebutt was that perhaps Jesus was the second coming of Elijah, the prophet. Others thought him to be a modern-day Jeremiah. After the discussion had gone on for a while, Jesus says, “But, who do you think I am?” That’s when Peter gave what’s become known as the great confession. But what if Peter had given a not-so-convicting answer? He could have said: You are the greatest rabbi of all time * You are a carpenter’s son * You are the future king of Israel * You are the smartest person I know * You are the most caring and interesting person I know * You are the strangest person I know, and Peter would have told the truth. Or, Peter could just as well have said, “Truthfully, Jesus, I don’t know who you are.” But he knew, because God convinced him, and so he confessed, “You are the Christ, the son of the living God.” Who do you think Jesus is? I think you know.
Thomas W. Bonham is an associate minister with the Floresville Church of Christ. Email him at firstname.lastname@example.org. Find his column on his blog at http://wilsoncountynews.com.
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