The Lord has instructed fathers

June 19, 2013
From “When the Lord Created Fathers” by Erma Bombeck: When the good Lord was creating Fathers he started with a tall frame. And a female angel nearby said, “What kind of Father is that? If you’re going to make children so close to the ground, why have you put fathers up so high? He won’t be able to shoot marbles without kneeling, tuck a child in bed without bending, or even kiss a child without a lot of stooping.” And God smiled and said, “Yes, but if I make him child size, who would children have to look up to?” And when God made a Father’s hands, they were large and sinewy. And the angel shook her head sadly and said, “Do you know what you’re doing? Large hands are clumsy. They can’t manage diaper pins, small buttons, rubber bands on ponytails or even remove splinters caused by baseball bats.” And God smiled and said, “I know, but they’re large enough to hold everything a small boy empties from his pockets at the end of a day … yet small enough to cup a child’s face in his hands.” And then God molded long, slim legs and broad shoulders. And the angel nearly had a heart attack. “Boy, this is the end of the week, all right,” she clucked. “Do you realize you just made a Father without a lap? How is he going to pull a child close to him without the kid falling between his legs?” And God smiled and said, “A mother needs a lap. A father needs strong shoulders to pull a sled, balance a boy on a bicycle, and hold a sleepy head on the way home from the circus.” … God worked throughout the night, giving the Father few words, but a firm authoritative voice; eyes that saw everything, but remained calm and tolerant. Finally, almost as an afterthought, he added tears. Then he turned to the angel and said, “Now, are you satisfied that he can love as much as a Mother?” The angel shutteth up. “Children’s children are the crown of old men, and the glory of children is their father” (Proverbs 17:7).  (More)

World preoccupation

June 12, 2013
Eastern Air Lines Flight 401, carrying 163 passengers and 13 crew members, left New York’s JFK Airport on Friday, Dec. 29, 1972, at 9:20 p.m., en route to Miami International Airport. The flight was routine until its approach into Miami International Airport. After lowering the gear, the co-pilot noticed that the landing gear indicator, a green light identifying that the nose gear is properly locked in the “down” position, did not illuminate. The pilots cycled the landing gear, but still failed to get the confirmation light. They then told the tower that they would discontinue their approach to the airport and requested to enter a holding pattern. The tower cleared the flight to climb to 2,000 feet, then hold west over the Everglades. The second officer was dispatched into the avionics bay beneath the flight deck to check visually if the gear was down through a small viewing window.  (More)

Kilroy was here

June 5, 2013
For the World War II generation, this will bring back memories. For you younger folks, it is a bit of trivia that is a part of our American history. This is a story about a guy named Kilroy. You may be familiar with his picture: a fellow with only his fingers, elongated nose, pointed head, and eyes peeking over the top of an imaginary wall with the caption “Kilroy Was Here.” So, who was Kilroy and where did he come from? In 1946, through its radio program, “Speak to America,” the American Transit Association sponsored a nationwide contest to find the real Kilroy. Out of 40 responding men, only James Kilroy of Halifax, Mass., had evidence of his identity. Kilroy was a 46-year-old shipyard worker. Rivets were the mode of ship assembly, not welding, and the riveters were paid by how many rivets they installed in a work-shift period. Kilroy counted and marked each rivet with a semi-waxed lumber chalk so wages could be calculated. The problem was, the riveters removed some of the marks getting groups of rivets counted twice and being paid twice. Once this was discovered and verified, Kilroy started using a waxy chalk to mark his counted rivets, which the riveters couldn’t remove completely. Kilroy started adding his little man peering over the invisible wall just to remind the riveters they were being watched closely and the count was correct because “Kilroy Was Here.” With the war on, the ships were leaving the shipyards without paint and the rivet counting evidence was plain to see. As a result, Kilroy’s inspection “trademark” was seen by thousands of American servicemen who boarded the troopships he worked on. To the troops aboard those ships, however, he was a mystery; all they knew was that somebody named Kilroy had “been there first.” As a joke, U.S. servicemen began placing the graffiti wherever they went, claiming it was already there when they arrived. Kilroy became the U.S. super-GI who had always “already been” before everyone else. Throughout the European and Pacific theatres of war, Kilroy was reported as having been there and it is reported that the “Kilroy Was Here” graffiti has been found atop Mt. Everest, the Statue of Liberty, and even scrawled in the dust of the moon. Really, Buzz?  (More)

Drop everything

May 22, 2013
Bubba, not what you would classify as “the sharpest knife in the drawer” type of person, walked into the doctor’s office and the receptionist asked him what he had. “Shingles,” said Bubba. She wrote down his name, address, got his medical insurance information, and told him to have a seat. Fifteen minutes later a nurse’s aide came into the waiting room and called Bubba to another room. She asked Bubba what he had. “Shingles,” Bubba replied. She interviewed him, writing down his height, weight, a complete medical history, then told Bubba to wait in the examining room. A half an hour later a nurse came in and asked Bubba what he had. With a great big sigh Bubba replied, “Shingles!” The nurse told him she was there to help and gave Bubba a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, and drew some blood for testing. Then she told him to take off all his clothes, gave him a backward shirt to put on, and to take a seat and wait for the doctor. About an hour later the doctor came in and asked Bubba what he had. Disgusted and tired Bubba calmly said, “Shingles.” The doctor asked, “Where?” Bubba said, “Outside in the truck. Where do you want ’em unloaded?”  (More)

Learning curve

May 1, 2013
On his very first day of school, little Johnny handed the teacher a note from his mother. It read, “The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents.” At the end of her first week of school, little Suzy expressed her thoughts to her mother, “I’m just wasting my time,” she said. “I can’t read, I can’t write, and they won’t let me talk!”  (More)

It’s an evil world

April 24, 2013
Two angels were traveling about and stopped to spend the night in the home of a wealthy family. The head of the family was rude and refused to let the angels stay in the mansion’s guest room. Instead they were given a small space in the cold damp basement. As they made their bed on the hard floor, the older angel saw a hole in the wall, where the foundation of the centuries-old mansion was apparently beginning to crumble, and repaired it.  (More)

Revealing priorities

April 17, 2013
As the family was riding down the road one warm summer evening, a woman in the convertible ahead of them stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As the parents in the front seat were reeling from the shock of what they were witnessing, a 5-year-old voice from the back seat exclaimed, “Mom! That lady isn’t wearing a seat belt!”  (More)

Reaping what we have sown

April 10, 2013
Little Johnny used to hang out at the corner market. The owner didn’t know what Johnny’s problem was, but the other boys would constantly tease him. They would always comment that he was two bricks short of a full load, or he really wasn’t the sharpest knife in the drawer. To prove it, they would often offer Johnny the choice between a dime and a nickel. Johnny would always take the nickel and they concluded he thought it was worth more because it was bigger, and would laugh at him. One day, after Johnny grabbed the nickel, the storeowner took him aside and said, “Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. Are you grabbing the nickel just because it’s bigger or what?” Slowly, Johnny turned to the man and with a big grin on his face he said, “Well, if I take the dime, they’ll stop doing it, and so far I’ve saved $20.”  (More)

What will you do with Jesus?

April 3, 2013
Jesus: He is the first and the last; the beginning and the end. He is the keeper of creation and the Maker of all things. He is the architect of the universe and the manager of all times. He always was; He is; and He always will be … Unmoved, Unchanged, Undefeated and will never be Undone. He was bruised to give healing. He was pierced to ease pain. He was persecuted to grant freedom. His death brought forth life. He was raised from the dead to give power, and He reigns in heaven to bring peace. The world can’t understand Him and armies can’t defeat Him. The schools can’t explain Him and world leaders can’t ignore Him. Herod couldn’t kill Him, the Pharisee’s couldn’t confuse Him, and the people couldn’t hold Him. Nero couldn’t crush Him, Hitler couldn’t silence Him, the New Age can’t replace Him, and Donahue can’t explain Him away. He is light, love, longevity, and Lord. He is goodness, kindness, gentleness, and God. He is Holy, righteousness, mighty, powerful, and pure. He is always right, His word is eternal, His will is unchanging, and His mind is on me.  (More)