April 14, 2012 1:21pm
|The tears flow heavy as I write this. I will attempt to expound my feelings and put my thoughts down on paper to give a tribute to a remarkable person whose life here on earth ended far too soon.
I didn’t know you were so sick. Had I known, I would have done something bigger something more obvious so you would have had no doubt what you meant to me. I would have flown out to Texas or called you to say what I am trying to convey now.
But no one knew…
And there was always going to be another day, another chance, another holiday and that- that was when I was going to let you know with my words what my thoughts have always been saying...
My God Corrine, this wasn't supposed to happen. You were supposed to die an old woman a hundred years from now when your great grandchildren were old enough to have grandchildren.
Not this year, not this way, not so suddenly...
When I heard you were in the hospital, I picked out a card for you and mailed it off. I wanted it to be silly and light. I wanted you to know we were thinking of you. I wanted you to know we loved you.
Had I known that was the last card I would write with your name it, I would have chosen a more grandiose one as big as can be, inscribed with the words of the ages. Every space would have been filled with loving words of encouragement and me offering strength back to you.
I would have told you in that card what I am writing now so you could read it with your own eyes or hear it with your physical ears how much I respected you and loved you.
I would have told you how I had wished you were my mom because I always felt welcome and comforted and loved when I was around you.
My heart rejoiced around you and it felt like a homecoming.
You validated my feelings.
Your laugh was music and instilled more laughter.
Your embrace was a safe, soft place where one could bear their soul and be encouraged that everything was going to be ok. I felt like a contented child when I was around you. Safe, warm, loved.
I would have said Thank you.
Thank you for believing in me and for providing years of gentle encouragement.
Thank you for making my daughters feel special and remembered.
Thank you for that crazy gray hair creating trip to Texas that the girls really, truly enjoyed!
Thank you for your wisdom.
You were always there.
Like a flittering butterfly in the field, I would glimpse your colors when I least expected it and it always brought me joy.
You would bring me a flash of light in my darkest days with your little notes that said that you loved us.
You were so thoughtful.
You would send the girls and I pretty little cards that read how you were thinking of us and how you understood how hard things have been for us.
You stood by me providing strength from across the miles with those little cards.
Every day that I struggled, I knew you have walked a similar path and that you came out victorious at the end.
Every time the burdens would become heavy- somehow, you knew, and you helped me carry them.
Corrine, you were a great role model.
You were an extraordinary example of a loving mom, aunt and friend.
You overcame many adversities and prevailed to create a beautiful, happy life for yourself and your family.
Testaments to your character are your loving children, now grown; who are devoted and supportive parents themselves.
And we can only hope to be as lucky as you were to have such rewards.
I don't know if you knew how I really felt, because I don’t remember if I ever really told you.
I was usually wrapped up in some drama of the week and I intended to write or intended to call and the hours went by, a day, a year...
The last time I saw you I couldn't stop crying. Tears kept coming and I didn't know why. My soul must have known it was the last time I would feel your warm, affectionate hug and look upon your smiling face.
I told Diane that night that I really love you and I wish you were my mom, that I just love seeing you. She agreed that you were a great mom and she was very thankful to have you. But I don’t know if I told you…
Oh, had I known it was the last time I would be around you- I would have stayed…
I am devastated that you are gone.
I am regretful of all the time that has passed where I never made the effort to tell you what you meant to me.
I am ashamed that it took your passing for me to speak this to you.
I am so sorry if I didn't make it known to you in life what you really meant to me.
Please--- I hope you knew, regardless.
Thank you Auntie Corrine!
Thank you for loving us too!!!
Hindsight is 20/20. I can't change the past. I can no longer tell you in person and know- that you know, how much I care.
But I can make efforts to make a difference in the future…
Corrine, you were taken from us too soon, but thankfully not so early that we did not learn from you.
You have made our world more positive and hopeful.
We became even stronger, more confident women.
Capable of great things, both big and small
I will never forget you and how you made me feel.
I will try to be the best mom that I can be and I will help lift up others as you have shown us how it can be done.
I am blessed and thankful that for twenty years I was part of your family and your heart.
Even just for that little bit, because it made all the difference.
Just for knowing you, we were fortunate, but since you loved us too, we were golden.
It should be that we do not mourn the time lost but that we celebrate the time we had shared.
So with that, I will rejoice in your spirit and live in the light and love that you gave us.
We will celebrate the life of one amazing woman.
We were all lucky enough to have the honor of your love, your spirit, your wisdom and your laughter.
You will live forever through the love you engrained in all of us.
You have made such a difference in all of our lives and for that we thank you!
With All My Heart,